Describing the scribbles on a picture he drew at school

"Mommy! Look at my picture! This is the booger that fell out of my nose, and so is this!"

I hope not ...

"Hello? Hello? Is anyone in my penis?"

Where pizza comes from ...

Brock: Pizza is "dairy."
Me: Yes. Well, the cheese is.
Brock: Is pepperoni dairy?
Me: No. It also comes from animals, though.
Brock: Do animals poop?
Me: Yes. They eat and poop.
Brock, after a long pause, eyeing his pizza: So ... they poop out pizza?

You are dispensible

Brock: "I want a new family."

Us: "Wha??"

Brock: "I want a new family, when I've used you up."

The most obvious reason

Brock: "Mom, that big girl wouldn't play with me!"

Me: "I'm sorry. Well, sometimes big kids don't feel like playing with little kids."

Brock: "Or, maybe she's deaf."

I guess they are always obsessed with their "parts"

"My penis wants to go in the hot tub now. Don't worry little guy. We're going now. It's hot in there, little guy, so stay in there (underwear)."

Raised in the Internet era ...

"You-go-away-dot-com,"

with palm held out at me.

Death, misunderstood

"I KILLED Daddy! It's time to party!"

Standing babies, no less

"Awwwww! There was a baby on TV! A standing baby! Oh, I wish we could get a standing baby."